I used to think I knew everything. I was a “smart person” who “got things done,” and because of that, the higher I climbed, the more I could look down and scoff at what seemed silly or simple, even religion.
But I realized something as I drove home that night: that I am neither better nor smarter, only luckier. And I should be ashamed of thinking I knew everything, because you can know the whole world and still feel lost in it. So many people are in pain-no matter how smart or accomplished-they cry, they yearn, they hurt.But instead of looking down on things, they look up, which is where I should have been looking, too. Because when the world quiets to the sound of your own breathing, we all want the same things:comfort, love, and a peaceful heart.
You say Hello. I say Hi. You say dinner? I say coffee. You say I like you. I say I know. You say you would never hurt me. I say I’m not worried. You say stay. I say how long. You say for the night, I say that’s too long. You ask what we are. I say nothing. You say that’s a lie. I say call it what you want. You say girlfriend. I say friend. You ask why. You ask why all the time. Why don’t you stay, why aren’t you ever around, why don’t we ever talk, why don’t you respond back quickly, why does it always feel like this is one sided. I say, I’m sorry. I say that I don’t mean to be, I say that I’ll stick around longer, I say I’ll care more, I say I’ll be less busy, I say it’s not one sided.
But what I really mean is that I’m sorry I’m terrible to you. I’m sorry I let you get caught up in me. I’m sorry I cant love you more.
So what do I do? I say I’m sorry, I’ll be better and stay, hoping that tomorrow I might wake up caring for you as much as you care for me.